Necropolis, MST'd

Prologue

The Tor.

Nine-thirty-ish.

Megabyte: I have you now, sprites!

The two captives struggle against Hack and Slash's firm grip. One of them is Guardian 452, known to most as 'Bob'. The other sprite, Robin - Bob's cloned female counterpart - generally calls him 'Dork'. Neither sprite is terribly enthused about being here, but Robin seems rather more annoyed at Bob than worried about what Megabyte has in store for them.

Robin: (muttering) This is all your fault.
Bob: That's right, blame me.
Robin: Only you would be stupid enough to fall for that old 'system upgrade' trick. Twice.
Bob: But he tried it once already! Literary convention demands that a bad guy only attempts a great plan once!
Robin: (looks at Megabyte) Was I really based on his code? (takes a nano to glare over her shoulder at Hack) Don't crease the uniform, bud. You got any idea how much it costs to dry clean this thing?
Bob: (narrowing his eyes) I'm beginning to wonder myself...
Megabyte: (looking bored) If we could get back to the script...?
Bob: Oh. Um, sure... Er. What's my line - oh yeah. You'll never get away with this!
Robin: Yeesh, who writes these lines?
Bob: (hisses) The script!
Robin: But what's my motivation? I'm just not getting any sense of impending doom here.
Megabyte: Perhaps I should elaborate... I have brought you both here for a reason... I am tired of your incessant meddling -
Robin: I have to deny meddling. I'm just the mechanic here.
Megabyte: (looks frustrated) And your incessant existence!
Robin: You made me this way, don't complain now...
Megabyte: SILENCE!

(There is quiet for a moment.)

Megabyte: As I was saying... my usual plans to dispose of you, Guardian, are foiled time and again. I've decided to adopt a new, rather more interesting format. I've brought you here to witness... the worst fanfiction in the Net!
Bob: You have got to be kidding me!
Robin: Sit through an entire fic with this dork? I'd rather die.
Megabyte: That could be... arranged.
Robin: How about two o'clock next Friday?
Bob: (blinking) Wha...
Megabyte: (sighs) I'm having my claws sharpened. Four?
Bob: Guys...
Robin: That's a toughie. I think my Writer's got me pencilled in for some random angsting about -
Bob: Guys!

(The two turn to look at him.)

Megabyte: What?
Bob: Can we just get on with it?
Megabyte: Oh, very well. I shall be observing. Any attempt to escape will be met with deadly force! Once it's over... you're free to go.
Robin: (surprised) So, all we have to do is sit through this fic?
Megabyte: (smirking) Yes.

(The two sprites look at each other, and shrug.)

Bob: Oh. Doesn't seem too hard.

(Megabyte attempts to stifle his laughter as both sprites are deposited rather unceremoniously by Hack and Slash on wooden chairs, and the credits roll...

Bob: Don't we get any popcorn?
Megabyte: You're not supposed to enjoy it!
Bob: Please?
Megabyte: Oh, very well.

(Hack trundles off, returning a few nanos later with a bowl of popcorn. Robin takes it from him and eyes it, warily.)

Necropolis

by Maskgirl

Bob: She sees dead cities?
Robin: This popcorn's stale.

MST'd by Megabyte, Guardian 452 and Robin.
Transcribed by Alryssa & teluekh

Prologue - Retrieval

Robin: Of this author's soul?
Bob: I don't think we'd be here if that were possible.
Robin: (pointed glare) And whose fault is that?
Bob: I can't help it if I'm, uh... popular...
Robin: You'll be telling me Megs heads your fan club next.
Bob: (goes rather quiet)
Robin: I'm... going to pretend we never had this conversation.

The battered form drifted aimlessly through the web. A flicker of light caught its ruined eyes. It moved somehow to get a closer look and saw that it was a system and a large one at that. It was the Supercomputer.

Robin: The large neon cowboy sign saying, "SuperComputer" kinda gave it away.

Memories of kindness, protection and Guardians flitted though its shattered mind.

Bob: For the SuperComputer is such a happy place... filled with fluffy bunnies, butterflies and - aaaauuuugh! (yanks his arm away from Robin) Ow! Chinese burns hurt!
Robin: If I'm going to suffer through this, you're spammed well going to suffer with me!
Megabyte: On with the suffering!
Bob: (whimpers)

It drifted purposely now towards the system.

An orange sprite and two binomes pushed the gurney through the ER doors.

Bob: Subtle change of scene, there.
Robin: Subtle, like a mallet to the head.
Bob: (sullenly) Was that an invitation?
Robin: Don't. Just... don't.

"We have a John Doe, found at the Web Port, suffering extreme web degradation," shouted the orange nurse.
"Get his PID and give him an energy drip," ordered the blue skinned doctor.
"Found - her PID Dr. Apple

Bob: If she were female, surely it'd be kind of, uh, obvious?

.... Format too degraded it's a mishmash of virus, web creature and sprite all I'm getting is a name - Hexadecimal."

Bob: (dramatically) Dun-dun-DUUUUUUUN!!
Robin: Oh, I was dying from the suspense. Look at me, I'm gripped. (Sighs) Can't you just wake me when it's over?
Bob: Megabyte said he'd staple our eyelids if we tried that.
Megabyte: Actually, I didn't. But it's a good idea...

The patient opened her eyes and shrieked as

Robin: ...she realised what a bunch of ASCII this fic was going to be.

her life support equipment overloaded. Her eyes glowed red with pain as she looked straight into Rom Apple's eyes.
"Bob" she croaked.

Bob: She thinks of me when she's in pain? I'm...
Robin: Going to be sick?

* * * Bob: Scene separators! What a concept!

That evening Turbo was in his office doing paperwork when a vidwindow popped open in front of him.
Turbo gasped, "Bob!"

Robin: [Turbo] You didn't see me playing with my ReBoot figures, did you?

The blue skinned sprite replied, "No Mister Prime Guardian I'm Rom Apple, a doctor at Saint Lovelace's.

Bob: Isn't that a soap opera?
Robin: You've been watching Mike again, haven't you?
Bob: Uh... Dot really likes it...?
Robin: (looks unconvinced)

We have a patient that we believe was a lost Guardian.

Bob: I missed where there was an actual trace of Guardian protocol on her PID...
Robin: Let's see... (backreads) web creature, virus, sprite... no, no Guardian here.

She was found in the Web Port. Does the name Hexadecimal mean anything to you?"

Robin: Yeah, six numbers. So what?
Megabyte: Base sixteen. Twit.
Robin: Whatever.

"Yes, yes it does.

Robin: Note Turbo's utter lack of reaction to being told they have Mainframe's chaos virus in their hospital.
Bob: At the other extreme, he could have screamed, "Get the Dell out of there! We're all going to die!"
Robin: I... see your point.

When can she be moved?"
"I'm sorry but she can't. We don't even know if she will survive the night cycle.

Bob: I don't think I can survive this prologue...

I just called if anyone left at the Academy wanted to pay their respects."

Robin: They could just pay us instead for having to sit through this.

"I'll be right over. Thank you Doctor."
As soon as the vidwindow closed Turbo contacted his secretary. "Get me all information on Hexadecimal in particular her relationship with Bob,

Robin: (eyes Bob)
Bob: What relationship?!
Robin: The one in her head, apparently.
Bob: And what business is it of Turbo's anyway?!
Robin: (smirking) Because the relationship in his head is jealous.

cancel all my appointments for the second

Robin: [Turbo] So I can, um, contemplate the details...
Bob: (looks somewhat traumatised)

and one more thing bring me any information we have on a Doctor Rom Apple

Robin: [Turbo] I want an 8 x 10 print of him on my desk by lunchtime!
Bob: ....
Robin: He reminds Turbo of you! Isn't that sweet.

and the Saint Lovelace hospital."

Bob: [Turbo] I want its TV schedule!
Robin: Or he could just call you and ask for it.
Bob: I said Dot was the one who watched it!
Robin: Riiiiight...

Turbo met Rom later that evening at the hospital lobby.

Robin: Remember Turbo! Don't kiss on the first date!
Bob: (looks mildly grossed out)
Robin: (sniggers)

It was a small but

Robin: Intimate space.

due to the Daemon Wars it was busy like all functioning hospitals.
The doctor smiled, "I've got good news once we purged her system of toxins

Bob: Hex was a junkie?
Robin: You learn something new every day!

her condition stabilized. I'll take you to her.

Robin: [Apple] Would you prefer to slip into something more... comfortable?
Bob: Will you QUIT that?
Robin: (snickers)

"As you can see we're giving her the best of care. After all she's a hero.
We discovered that's she is carrying the active counter viral agent for the Daemon infection and due to the Web damage she suffered she must have carried it through the Web. She saved us all."

Bob: The Universe: 1, Daemon: 0!
Robin: And now for the second half!

Turbo looked down at the small black form.

Robin: [Turbo] Ew! A cockroach! Get it out of here!

She was covered in burns and was barely recognisable a living data form. Tubes and wires stuck into her trying to keep her alive.

Bob: *poke* *poke* [Hex] OW! I'm alive, stop that! *poke* [Hex] Ow!

Turbo had hoped to take the virus to Bob who was right now in the Guardian infirmary himself.

Robin: [Turbo] A get well present for you!
Bob: AUGH!

The blue skinned Guardian could have used

Bob: A restraining order.

a friend but Hex was in no condition to show to anybody

Robin: ...the tattoo she got that fateful, drunken night.

however Turbo had an idea.

Robin: I hate it when he gets ideas. Last time he got an idea, we were scraping null guts off the ceiling for a cycle.
Bob: I did try to warn you, I said not to use the microwave like that, but noooo...

"Dr. Apple how would you like to take part in a top secret mission?"
Now Turbo needed to pick up another

Robin: hooker.

player

Robin: Ah, same thing. Y'know, I never thought Turbo swung that way until -
Bob: (covers his ears) Lalalalalalalalala... I can't hear you...

but that could wait until morning.

* * *

Robin: Hey, she used separators again!
Megabyte: Careful, my dear, one might think you're genuinely surprised.
Robin: Perish the thought.

The patient fidgeted on the couch, " Dr. Chandra the dreams they're getting worse. It used to be that My Lady was talking to me

Bob: But then I broke her favourite vase...

but I couldn't hear here because the She- Devil was screaming. But now oh User." The plump middle-aged grey sprite laid down a comforting hand.

Robin: Dismembered body parts now! Gross!

"But now the- the She- Devil and she snaps My Lady's neck.

Bob: That's gotta hurt.
Robin: She's a pain in the neck!
Bob: (groans)

Dr. Chandra I've been infected by this

Robin: User-awful fic!

She-Devil. I don't know what to do.
"The She- Devil is trying to help you. My Lady is Daemon the D Reaper herself. Go live your life to the fullest and see the receptionist outside for an appointment."

Bob: (adopts a surfer accent) Don't fear the Reaper, dude.
Robin: Don't do that again.
Megabyte: (with same accent) Dude, you're getting a Dell.
Robin: Please don't tell me I heard what I thought I heard.
Megabyte: Heh, heh, heh.
Robin: AUUUGH!
Bob: I think I just saw what was left of my sanity go screaming over the horizon.

The patient left shaken but

Bob: Not stirred.

promised to take her advice. He was one of billions with the same problem-

Robin: Bad acne.

Daemon.

Robin: Well, ok... close enough.

Other psychiatrists tried purging the Hex Factor,

Bob: Maybe they should try purging the Drek Factor instead.

as they called it, from their patients. At best that resulted in the patient's suicide,

Bob: That's the BEST?! What's the WORST?!
Robin: They end up in this fic.

usually they tried to take as many people with them.

Bob: [Patient] No, really, jumping off tall buildings is FUN!

No the Hex factor was needed but Dr. Chandra did not know what to do.

Robin: So she quit her job, packed her belongings and headed for the sunny system of Aruba.

She looked around her small comfortable office designed to ease her patients with its

Bob: Swingset.

pastel colours, personal mementos

Robin: Like the giant stuffed head of Pikachu on the far wall.

and soft furniture. No solution or comfort to be found here.
The solution came with an unexpected visitor.

Bob: The IRS.

"Dr. Chandra," asked Turbo. "How would you like to take part in a top secret mission.

Robin: It's not very secret any more now, is it?

I have the relevant read me files right here."

Robin: Here's the key to the supercomputer, too!
Megabyte: (eyes wide) WHERE?! ...oh.
(Bob and Robin both snicker, then look at each other and blink)

* * *

Dr. Chandra's

Bob: Escape Plan^H^H^H

Log

After several cycles of reviewing the files I can correctly diagnose the patient as suffering from schizophrenia and a multiple personality disorder.

Robin: Two for the price of one!
Bob: Or rather, several...
Robin: Do they all get billed as separate patients?

This is possibly due to the toxic conditions of Lost Angles. When said toxins were purged from brain the patient became rational if lacking in social skills.

Bob: When sentence structure butchered was, become ironically more sensible they did.

However patient is suffering extreme neural damage from her trip

Bob: That must have been some bad acid, man.

in the web and while a radical neural resequencing will cure her of her schizophrenic tendencies, due to patient's history and abuse by her brother

Robin: It's just sibling rivalry, I tell you! She's getting worked up over nothing.
Bob: (glares) Yeah, you'd know all about that!

she will need counselling as well. As the patient is the source of the Hex factor

Bob: Rather like this author is the source of the Drek Factor...

and has effectively infected the entire net I have decided to focus all my attention on her

Robin: Kinky. Maybe she can re-direct Turbo's attentions from you while she's at it.
Bob: (grimaces) Stop that!

and give the rest of my patients to Dr. Spock.

Robin: Are we done yet?
Megabyte: (menacingly) Why, we've barely begun...
Bob: Don't we even get an intermission?
Megabyte: NO!

Chapter One